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Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

I used to know where my stuff was....

I went looking for my makeup removing towelettes this morning. Couldn't find them. Why? Because I have teenagers. This got me thinking about how things have definitely changed since my babies turned into teens. For instance, I remember when I used to be able to go into my makeup bag, locate my eyeliner, put on that eyeliner and then put it back in my makeup bag. Now I can't find my makeup bag. Because, teens.



And when I look in that 10x magnifying mirror at all the dark hair crawling around over my eyes like a caterpillar moving across my forehead, I mourn the loss of my tweezers, which have disappeared into the abyss that is the girls bathroom in my house. Those girls, however, have PERFECTLY coiffed eyebrows. Thanks to my tweezers. Wherever they are.

Their nails are perfectly clipped, thanks to my nail clippers. Which I haven't seen in weeks. MY toenails are practically clawing at the ground when I walk because they've gotten so long. But in order to clip them, someone would have to locate my nail clippers. Naturally, NO ONE knows where they are because apparently I'M the only one in the house that uses them. Their nails are perfectly clipped, but I'M the only one who uses the nail clippers. Whatever.

Scissors? Tape? I buy them new every Christmas. Why? Teens.

I don't bother painting my nails anymore, because why bother? My nail polish remover and cotton balls have mysteriously vanished into thin air. Naturally, no one has seen them. My husband takes pleasure in helping me out by telling me that he never uses the stuff. Thanks honey, you're a huge help.

Stuff my husband doesn't use. Just so you know.
I've taken to hiding things that I just refuse to have stolen part with. My deodorant is now in my sock drawer. Shampoo and conditioner? I hide those in my closet under my shoe rack and take them in when I shower each day. Razor? Underwear drawer. Shaving cream? The garage, where else??

One good thing about being shorter and heavier than my girls: they don't steal my pants. Oh sure, back a few years ago when 17 was a freshman and I was 30 lbs lighter, I attended her band concert and asked my husband what pants she had on (I could see her white socks like she was Michael Jackson without the glove) and he told me they were mine. She was wearing my size 6 pants. Sure she was too tall for them (hence the white socks showing) but they fit her. See? Maybe there IS an upside to being short and heavy. That's my new story and I'm sticking with it. So pass me another donut.

Yep, I remember back when I could find things, like money in my wallet, food in my pantry, quiet in my house and the ever-important thing to find: my sanity. But alas, those days are gone. They've been replaced by teenagers.
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18 comments:

  1. I'm okay with them "borrowing". IF THEY PUT THE CRAP BACK. I will throw a hissy fit better than a 3 year old if I come around and find my stuff gone, gone. Although one time I borrowed the 16YOs Jack Rogers and didn't ask and she texted me wanting to know where they were. Felt kinda good..

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    1. Last night 17 saw me going up the stairs and quickly ran into my bathroom saying "oh crap! you're gonna be pissed!" So some stuff was actually put back.

      I had to Google 'Jack Rogers'.

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  2. I wish I could say it's different with boys. They might leave my cosmetics alone but tweezers and nail clippers all disappear into their domain never to be seen again - even though I often fall asleep to the gentle snicking noise of someone's toenails being trimmed. And you would think nail polish remover would be safe, but as soon as they put a topper on it that effectively turned it into a squirting flame-thrower in their hands that dream died too, as in it's one of the things no longer allowed in my house.

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  3. Preaching to the choir, sister! We call our 15 year old daughter the 100 lb. raccoon, as everything disappears into her room. I have told my kids repeatedly that I love my round brush, my comb and my tweezers more than I love them (and have had them MUCH longer than I've had my children). And still, I have to hunt them down. Often. The only place to hide things where they won't find them is with the cleaning supplies.

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    1. BRILLIANT idea, Dyanne!! That's the LAST place they'll look!

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  4. Ha! Love the part about hiding your shampoo and bringing it in to the shower each day. It's like living in a dorm again! Fortunately, my daughter has always been stick thin, and I have pretty pedestrian taste in clothes, so she's never gone after my pants (or tops).

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    1. Oh mine take tops all the time. Matter of fact, I just found a hoodie of mine in her backpack. Turns out she had lent it to a classmate at the end of LAST school year and just got it back yesterday

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  5. See, I have boys, but mine don't take my stuff. Sorry Vanessa! And thank God, because boys can be gross. Oh my God, if they would just flush the freaking toilet I'd be so happy. It smells like the bathroom at Port Authority around here.

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    1. Oh gross, Linda I'm sorry. That wins for gross out of the day.

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  6. When my daughter was around 3-6 years old, she would take my stuff and sleep with it. I'd go into her room and find my work ID and a tube of lipstick and a scarf under her pillow. I couldn't figure out whether it was because it was something of mine, or because it was grownup stuff she wanted to have, but at least she was consistent about where she put it. The teen years will not be so kind, I fear.

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    1. No they won't, Kathleen. In the teen years she will pile all of her crap on your work ID, WEAR your lipstick and your scarf and you'll never see those again. Sorry!

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  7. Teri this is perfect!!!! I have to say I felt a smidge of guilt since I come from an all girl family and I know we did this to my mother. My daughter is always taking my stuff and it drives me nuts!! Lol!

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    1. I feel the same remorse, Kathy. I used to take my mom's stuff and 'forget' to put it back. Sorry Mom!

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  8. I would have swore that I wrote this blog today!!! I had to search for my belt, shoes, AND favorite shirt this morning!! And I never found my shirt, either!!! I solved the loss of the toiletries coming up missing......I told them they both had to start buying their own from now on, unless they stopped hiding my stuff! It worked!! 😆😆

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  9. I totally agree! 16&13 take everything that's mine. Clothes shopping for 16 involves going through my 3 double wardrobes and taking whatever she wants! My expensive perfume gone, my cheaper perfume gone, make up, brushes, shampoo, deodorant all gone. Anytime I want something, anything of mine I have to go hunting in their bedrooms, if it's not in 16's it's in 13's and vice versa. I tried hiding my things, but they hunt for them until they find them! It drives me insane lol 😤😂

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    1. Sometimes when I hide my things, I forget where I put them. Then NO ONE can use them.

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