How I spent my 2014...

As we near the end of another year, it's time to look back on the stupid shit I did this year and vow to NOT do it again in the New Year. Like good news, bad news. Good news: I lost 30 pounds!! Bad news: I gained almost 18 of those lost pounds back. Dumbass.

But it wasn't all about weight. I did some good stuff that DIDN'T involved a scale. I went to my very first blogging conference and met THE most AMAZING folks! I got stuck in a dress at Goodwill preparing for that conference. I got my picture taken with Mike Cruse from Papa Does Preach and we looked like the crazy couple on an insane wedding cake.

Mr. & Mrs. Tacky McTackerson

I broke the 5000 mark for Facebook fans which is really cool, but only about 12 of them actually SEE my updates, which totally sucks. I'm thinking of just circumventing FB's lousy algorithms and just make a Snarky group. What do you think? Oh and one more cool thing, I've only had to ban ONE FB freak for posting about cheap sunglasses (which is a rocking ZZ Top song but not something my FB friends need to be seeing). Yay me!!

In 2014 I vowed to read a bunch of books. And failed miserably. I suck. I used to read like a beast. And then I had these kids and they wanted to go places and do things, and my books were all like, "Bitch, what about us?" and I was like "I'm sorry books, but they need me" and the books were all "So? We need you too and we were here first" and my kids were like "Mom why are you talking to your books when we're waiting to go to basketball practice." So the kids won this round and I stopped paying attention to my books. Sorry books. Maybe next year? You guys just sit there on the shelves collecting dust that I probably won't clean and I'll get to you. I promise.

I actually made a small amount of money this year with my writing! YAY!!! Money rocks!!! And I got a little more exposure with posts featured on Mamalode, In The Powder Room and Huffington Post. I'm not setting the world on fire but it's cool to see my stuff on other places besides this little page here.

I successfully made it through another year without selling my kids to gypsies, which I consider a victory. If they still are alive and I can use them as tax write-offs every December 31, I pat myself on the back and drink another glass of Malbec. Monday I came pretty close to leaving 17 in the airport forever. We went through separate security lines and they found a bottle of her favorite Bath and Body Works lotion in her carry-on. I made the horrific mistake of forgetting to tell her she couldn't carry-on liquids, so they confiscated her lotion and the TSA agent is probably now smelling like my daughter. Since we were in separate lines, 17 called me and said "You never told me I couldn't bring it on and they took it and it's discontinued and I'll never be able to replace it, so thanks." and I was all like: "CLICK"

She called me back 3 times. I hung up on her all 3 times until the 4th time when she apologized. After her flight took off, I went online and bought her 6 bottles. No shit. It may be discontinued but....internet. She may smell like a French whore bathing in donkey shit, but I found 6 bottles of it.

Oh, and there was one other really cool thing that happened in 2014 that you may or may not have heard about.

I MET MIKE ROWE!!!!

We're using this as our Christmas card next year. What do you think?

I actually did. I got to interview him when he was at the STEM conference in Washington DC and it was AWESOME!!! You can see all 7 parts of the interview here, and you can learn his stripper name, and why he'll never Dance with the Stars. He was truly fantastic and meeting him was one of the UBERHIGHLIGHTS of my year. Uberhighlight isn't a word but I don't care. It was awesome.

So there you have it, my year in review. It was a pretty amazing year and I look forward to what 2015 has in store for us all.

Happy New Year, Snarklings and thanks for joining me on this ride!! See you next year!!