I finished work at 5:30, drove home and had her feed Henry and Cosmo and we headed for the Food Lion to get some Cokes to take with us. I gave 15 and 13 some cash and my MVP card and they went in while I waited in the car to check my voicemail. While I was listening to my mom's message, two guys pulled up in a car next to mine and got out laughing. It was as they were walking past my rear bumper that I heard a strange noise. Kind of like something being pulled off the back of my car, but I really didn't pay too close attention because mom was still talking on the voicemail, so I forgot about the noise.
After the track banquet, I headed over to the middle school library for the PTO meeting at 7:00. When we left the meeting at 8:30 I stopped at the back of my car to find this:
 |
| Shut up, I know my car is filthy. |
So to whomever decided that it would just be fucking hilarious to steal a magnet off the back of my vehicle, I hope you get a mind-blowing case of herpes, a scorching case of crabs and an oozing case of gonorrhea. I hope your nuts shrivel up and fall to the ground and you step on them. I hope you can't sleep at night from the guilt I'm sure you have over taking something that wasn't yours. You're an asshole, and I want my magnet back.
Hell truly hath no fury like a woman's scorn. I mean, herpes, crabs AND gonorrhea. I'd give you a wide birth on a bad day mate. I don't want nothing falling off me.
ReplyDeleteNo CCTV at Food Lion? It would be great if they did have it, then you could plaster the little thieves all over youtube. Anyway, I better shut it now before I annoy you even more. See ya later mate and I do hope that you get your Phillies Magnet back.
I would love to find out if they do have surveillance cameras there. I'd be all over them.
DeleteWow... I can't imagine what terrible things you'd do to them if they stole something truly valuable, like your dignity.
ReplyDeleteOh. Wait a second... ; )
Hey hey hey. I gave up my dignity a long time ago. The magnet was all I had left.
DeleteKarma will get around to them eventually and when she kicks their butt I hope she's wearing pointy stilettos.
ReplyDeleteI hope so too, and I hope inside those pointy stilettos she's got toe jam!
DeleteI'm sorry for laughing, but you should be a Gypsy Curse Writer, if such a job exists. It may have just been kids ?? but I don't know why those jerk-faces were laughing. If some neighborhood kids turn up on the news plagued with STDs, you'll know.
ReplyDeleteSorry that happened.
I'll put that on my resume, Joy! Gypsy Curse Writer.
DeleteSorry Alison. I'd go with stickers but when you switch vehicles you can't take them with you.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a big fan of the stickers either, Jules! I hope your wish comes true!
ReplyDeleteASSHATS!!! Who do they think they are?!?! Karma is going to spank their asses. Hard. And not in the 50 Shades of Grey good way either!
ReplyDeleteI will find you a new one and mail it. I don't care where I have to go to get it. Maybe I'll have to hand deliver it.
I hope you're right Joy! And I'd welcome you hand delivering anything! Even cupcakes!
DeleteThe only way this would have had a happy ending is if someone had put a Colorado Rockies magnet in its place. You know, I'd say it was a Braves fan who did it, if they could read.
ReplyDeleteThe would probably think it's a Pirates magnet.
BAZINGA!
DeleteI hate that! That actually happened to me once, with a political bumper sticker. I was sooo mad .. till I realized that the person who "stole" my bumper sticker was actually my husband. So no harm no foul!
ReplyDeleteStopping by from the Funny Postpartum Lady's linkup!
May they be cursed with the fleas of a thousand camels, and arms too short to scratch! asshats..
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell??
ReplyDelete