Shark bait, hooo haaa.

I don't even know where to begin with this one. So much snark and so little time this morning but I'll give it my best.

Water births are beautiful and amazing things. I know a wonderful woman in Australia who's had 2. In a big tub. With no wildlife to speak of involved. And she has two beautiful, smart and awesome children who are thriving and growing. She's been my friend for several years and I love and respect her. So don't start throwing rotten tomatoes at me, because it's not the water birth that I think is whacky. No, what I (in my snarky opinion) think might just be a little freaking off is giving birth in the water while your husband, your midwife and a pod of dolphins are looking on.

According to the Charlotte Observer, this couple in North Carolina is heading over to Hawaii to stay with Star Newland of the Sirius Institute, which is a place that says it wants to 'dolphinize the planet'. What? Dolphinize the planet? Don't get me wrong, I love dolphins. However, I wouldn't vote for one for president. Or have one drive my kids to school. They are lovely creatures, smart, cute and living in the ocean. But would I want to deliver a baby while being watched by a pod of these adorable mammals? Yeah, I'm thinking no. But that's exact what the NC couple is planning. They are going to try to deliver their baby, Bohdi, in the ocean with a pod of dolphins on-hand to join in on the festivities.

Let's get back to the Sirius Institute for just a second. According to Digital Journal, this place has plans not only to dolphinize the planet, but also has plans for 'humanization of space' which involves sending live Humpback whale songs into the stratosphere. I swear to God I wish I could make this shit up. Furthermore, the Institute actually claims that dolphins are able to improve or HEAL a wide variety of conditions, including Downs Syndrome and cerebral palsy. HEAL Downs Syndrome? Wow, that right there is quite a bold statement. Here's another one: the Institute also claims that "Children born in the water with the dolphins develop 6 months faster over their first 6 months, have perhaps 150 grams more brain weight, AND are ambidextrous.' Well there you go. That whole ambidextrous thing will come in real handy when the shark chews off one of the baby's hands.

So Moon Beam and her husband, Magic Bus have slept in their car, traveled across the country doing odd jobs when they needed food, money or supplies. They've scraped together enough money to fly to Hawaii and hit the beach to birth their baby. Does anyone else think this is just a little not right? Doesn't it beg the question WHAT ABOUT SHARKS??? According to Alohafriends.com, there are 40 species of sharks off the Hawaiian Islands with about 8 of those species found swimming close to shore. Sharks enjoy the scent of blood. Birthing babies involves blood. Am I the only one who can do math here?

Blood in the water + sharks + babies = 'come back here with my baby, you stupid shark'.

But it's okay, I'm sure the dolphins would be happy to swim after the shark who just took your newborn baby, and wrestle the baby out of the mouth of the shark and swim the baby back to you, you happy couple. Congrats on the birth of little Bohdi, maybe if he swims with those dolphins, all those bite marks will heal up quite nicely.