I absolutely hate cancer. Okay, okay, I know nobody really likes it. But seriously, cancer is a fucking bitch. Cancer is sneaky. It sneaks in and takes. It takes and takes. Cancer does not discriminate. Cancer takes young and cancer takes old. Cancer takes black, white, red, green, purple and yellow. Cancer takes friends and neighbors without even saying 'sorry'. You can fight cancer and some people, some amazing and wonderfully lucky people, beat that bitch. I worked with a lady in Atlantic City named Annie who successfully beat breast cancer twice. I also lost a close friend to cancer after she won the battle twice. She even told me, she wasn't feeling so lucky the third time around. And she was right. Cancer took her. Cancer left her daughters without a mother and her husband alone to raise those girls on his own.
We are lucky enough to have an amazing man in our lives, 12's Godfather Bill, who was lucky enough to receive a heart transplant some years ago. We have been lucky enough to know this man, and even luckier that we've been given an extension of our time with him. Yet, cancer decided that it would step in and fuck things up. He's been diagnosed with a malignant mass in his intestine. His heart is definitely strong enough to withstand the surgery to remove it, but sadly, his lungs are not. So he gets to play on the chemo-go-round. Lucky him. My best friend from grade school and high school just went through this awful bitch with her husband, whom I love dearly, who always makes me laugh. And he beat it but not without a price. He suffered from neuropathy due to excessive radiation. So he didn't get off scott-free. My friend Lisa has a brother who is currently going through chemo and we're hoping for the best for him. Too many lives touched.
I've had best friends lose loved ones to cancer, I've worked with countless fantastic people in Atlantic City who were taken from us by cancer. I've made some unbelievably wonderful friendships online and suffered with them as they lost their loved ones to this awful disease. And now there is a neighbor who has been hit with this fucking sickness. The father to one of my daughter's best friends, the husband of one of my own dear friends, and it has hit like a Mack truck. He's not 'lucky' enough to ride the chemo-go-round, the disease is too far gone. So now he is at home with his family around him, and they wait for this bitch to take him from them. And I am angry. I'm so angry I could scream. And saddened at this loss. He is funny, very funny, a very quick wit, and I always enjoyed our conversations. And his big black dog Riley will miss him. And that's not fair. Cancer's not fair.
So this blog is for you Howard. I dedicate this blog to you, with the hope that your passing will not be painful to you, but knowing that it will be very painful to all who know you. And I also dedicate it to Monica, who was in my wedding, and I in hers. And to Peggy. And to Jim and Annie who overcame it. And to Bill who is fighting it to the finish. I love you, I love all of you. And I hate cancer.
Please feel free to tell me who YOU'D dedicate this to. Who have you lost? And what would you tell them, if you had one more chance?
UPDATED: My friend and neighbor Howard passed away this afternoon. He will be sadly missed by all who knew him.
Multiple family members. My best friends mom, Carol, whom we lost in August. Also my best friend.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry honey.
DeleteSorry you are going through this. I know it's rough--too many good people lost to this horrible disease. Lost my father a few years ago---was with him to the end and I miss him every day. Sending hugs & prayers to you and the families affected by this.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much.
DeleteSorry to hear about your friend. I agree it is a royal bitch with no feeling or remorse for who it leaves hurt, lost, and alone. The only console it gives is that the pain and suffering does end for the one stricken. I too have been slapped in the face by this evil bitch. It has taken both my grandmothers, my grandfathers, aunts and uncle. It leaves family devistated, and trying to find the words to explain to a 3 year old why her mommy went to be with God and not stay here with her. My heart and prayers go out to your family and your friends loved ones.
ReplyDeleteThanks Bean. Love you.
DeleteWe lost my mom 4 years ago this week to lung cancer. She only ever got to know one of her grandkids, and only for a few months. Makes me sick.
ReplyDeleteThat sucks, babe. I am sorry.
DeleteMy darling friend M. is in his final days. 42 years old, 5 year old son, devoted wife. The thought of that boy growing up without his dad is almost too much for me to bear.
ReplyDeleteSorry Lisha. Just not fair.
DeleteI lost my grandmother to throat cancer 25 years ago on my bithday, She picked my birthday to leave us and as I celebrated my 51st life day it is bitter sweet. I know that she is watching over me to the day that we meet again. She fought a tough battle years ago. I lost both grandparents on the other side from the nasty C word they fought hard and they left this world fighting. I lost mymom's sister Aunt Marge to ovarian cancer, yet another warrioress. I watched my BF's lil boy, David Matthew die from leukemia at a very young age. I HATE HATE HATE it!!! Friends and their friends have tackled and tangled in that nasty C word. I have seen battles that have been fought fiercly that have won and battles that have not been so kind. I can only PRAY and think POSITIVE and vision that the future holds stronger numbers for life. I pray to each and every person that has ever had and is dealing with the C word that God gives them strength and peace!
ReplyDeleteto my brother, forever 26 - I wish I could show him his beautiful goddaughters and torture him with spoiling his own children...brain cancer. to my grandma, my own sweet piece of heaven - pancreatic cancer. so many others....hate the stupid C word.
ReplyDeleteThis is one club no one should ever belong to. :(
DeleteI lost my mom just after I turned 20 and a few months after my first son was born. Lung cancer.... I hate cancer too.... I would just like to hug her, hear her voice, I miss that nagging worry filled voice *tears*
ReplyDeleteI'm with you Eschelle, I'm so sorry.
DeleteMy youngest cousin on my Mom's side, lost her battle before she saw her 32 birthday. My middle cousin on my Dad's side, who lost her battle in the prime of life. My uncles on both sides, who are fighting it. My oldest cousin on Dad's side, who beat it's ass. To my two brother's who kicked it's tail. And to my dear beloved fellow blogger Kell @ MOMMY'S KICKING CANCER'S ASS, who is fighting it with all she has.
ReplyDeleteToo many lost, Judy. And yet, glad that your brothers have beaten it!
DeleteI have a friend Laura who is an amazing success story, in that she beat the living crap out of breast cancer about 4 years ago. I also have my little sis Tina who is currently tearing its ass up and taking names. My dad and an uncle had prostate cancer but are now free of its grip.
ReplyDeleteBut lung cancer took my hubby's father Dutch, a sweet man who would do anything for anyone. We miss him terribly. It also took my Uncle Ralph's life a few years ago, which was way too soon. A complete cure for this monster can not come soon enough. Until then, we need to show the people we love how much they mean to us. None of us know how many days we have left. Love you, Teri!
Karen, I had no idea about Tina. Please give her my best and let her know I'm pulling for her!! Love you, girl.
DeleteYou've summed up how I feel, perfectly. Cancer is a non-discriminating horror. I am so sorry for your losses, and the losses our world has suffered. Too many wonderful people...lost. Sucks.
ReplyDeleteThanks Carolyn. You're so right, way too many good people gone too soon. :(
DeleteI never got to meet my grandmother (my mom's mom) because they lost her to cervical cancer when my mom was just 10 years old. I think of my children growing up without their father and seeing that now makes me appreciate how she must have grown up. Without her mother. Teri, I'm so sorry about your friend. It's so hard to lose those we love.
ReplyDeleteMr. Eva went through colon cancer about 18 months ago. He had a portion of his bowel removed and is cancer free now, but it's like waiting for the axe to fall...will it show up again on his next CATscan or his next colonoscopy. We hope and pray that it doesn't rear it's ugly head again, but you never know!
ReplyDeleteMy brother thankfully beat cancer - all before he turned 30. But there are far too many people in our lives who have fought and lost the battle to this horrible bitch. I'm so sorry for your loss and to those around you. Sending love, strength and prayers to you all from the west coast. xoxox
ReplyDeleteOh no...so sorry to hear that. I lost my maternal grandmother to breast cancer...she died before I was even born so I never got to know the wonderful person she was. I also lost my paternal grandfather to lung cancer. I was lucky to have him in my life for a long time but my kids will never know his awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your friend and for his family. Sometimes I feel like we're all gonna get some form of cancer...sometime in our lives. It's like we're just ticking time bombs. You said it best - it sucks. It really sucks.
ReplyDeleteI just lost one of my bridesmaids two weeks ago. I have been in the Middle East since September, so I didn't even get to go to the funeral to say goodbye. She beat breast cancer 2x, but then this last spring she went to the ER unable to breath properly. I had a bad feeling then that this was the time. Miss you Joni.
ReplyDeleteI've just across this blog for the very first time, and I'm completely over-whelmed to put it lightly about the huge amount of losses you have suffered. I'm am very sorry indeed. I also feel sorry and my deepest condolences for all the other family and friends that lost their loved ones to this awful disease. Cancer is the word that nobody wants to hear at any time in their life.
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much for your responses. With all of the heartache and tragedy that's happened, I really have neglected the blog and not answered you personally, as I have tried to always do in the past. I'm at a loss but will be back in full snark once I've found my voice again.
ReplyDeleteTeri
So sorry about your recent loss. The only thing fair about cancer is that it doesn't discriminate. I was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer in March after being sooooo sure it would never happen to me. I decided I could cry about it or laugh about it and chose laughter. Works MOST of the time!
ReplyDeleteHoping for a full recovery for you, Dyanne!
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