Just another Sunday afternoon in DC...

So this happened Sunday.

My second husband and I. Eventually. (totally kidding)

And this.

Jenn and her new step-daddy. (totally kidding)

To say that I am still on Cloud 9 would be an understatement. To say that this guy is awesome just doesn't do him justice. From the first welcoming hug to his final goodbye as he walked us out, my experience with Mike Rowe was truly the best experience I've ever had with a celebrity. Okay a quasi-celebrity, but whatever. He was fantastic. (Mike, if you're reading this, don't let it go to your head, you big Diva).

For everyone else, here's how it went. I sent an email to mikeroweWORKS HQ Saturday around noon saying that if Mike had any free time at all on Sunday (he was in town for the USA Science and Engineering Festival in DC), that I would be happy to make the trek down to the city to sit down for a chat, if it was possible. 2 hours later I received a call back saying that if I could make it to DC around 1:30 Sunday, Mike would be happy to meet with me. Yeah I think I could fit that into my schedule. (Keep in mind that this has been an on-going thing, us trying to set up a meeting, I didn't just ask and receive, it was a process)

Sunday morning, Jenn and I piled into the car and drove to the metro station, took the metro into town and arrived early. If you've never been to the Walter E. Washington Convention Center, it's massive, it takes up over 3 city blocks and is about 5 stories high. So once we found the room where we were supposed to meet Mike, we didn't stray very far from it. (I was so afraid of getting lost in the vast expanse of the building!) We met Susanna from mrW who let us into the green room (the conference room set aside for Mike and his crew). She told us they were running behind but would be there shortly, help ourselves to any food/drink we wanted and off she went to catch a flight back to the west coast. We saw Matt Freund (from the Poo Pot episode Dirty Jobs). We snacked and we waited.

Suddenly, the doors opened, and his entourage walked in with him and then, in that deep, sexy voice, I heard: "Well, well, well." I melted right there on the chair. When they scraped me up, he put out his hand to shake mine but I clumsily asked for a hug instead. You'll get your handshake but let's get the formalities out of the way early. After the hug, I shook his hand. Whatever. Don't judge me. I'm lucky I didn't try for some tongue. My kid would be in therapy for (more) years.

There was chit chat, he introduced us to Mary who is the president of mikeroweWORKS, and to Antwan (I hope I'm spelling that right) who was his camera man. I introduced them to Jenn, who I said was my producer, director, camera girl, sound girl and entourage. I gave them some Snarkfest bookmarks which they found amusing (who wouldn't find a picture of a cat's ass sticking out of a drawer amusing??)

I digress (as usual). So while I was standing there with my crew of 1 talking with Mary, Mike went out into the hall behind the conference room (green room) to scout out a place for our chat. He called Jenn, Antwan and I out and he had set up two chairs for us to sit and two chairs for our camera people to sit. The man does his own grunt work. Just sayin'.

We sat down and for the next 45 minutes he answered my totally off the wall questions with a smile. He told me that he had just spent time with a journalist from CNN and did a live spot with CBS so this little off the cuff interview with non-standard questions was just what he needed. My thinking was this: YES he has a new show coming out and YES he has his mikeroweWORKS foundation, but I would imagine that answering the same questions over and over would really start to get boring. I did NOT want to bore this guy. So I asked him questions like: What would your stripper name be, and tell me your signature move. Trust me, we all had a good laugh at that. Also among the questions, what's on his mp3 player, would he consider voicing a cartoon character and would he do Dancing With the Stars if he was asked.

I have the whole thing on my video camera, and I promise you, if you are patient with me while I try to figure out how to get it all to work, you will NOT be disappointed when I post the interview. But what I'm planning on (trying to do) is to break the interview up into 5 minute segments, because I have a feeling I would lose people if I posted one entire 45 minute video.

Check back in soon and if you don't want to miss a thing, go up there on the right side under my picture and subscribe to this blog so that you receive an email with a link back here every time I post. Trust me, I won't spam you (I'm not that smart, don't give me too much credit) and you DON'T want to miss his signature stripper move. It's hot.

Hoping for An Interview With the Dirty One....

I'm sure you've all read my post about how I am the Mike Rowe Expert, right? Well I've got a confession to make. I'm not really. People seem to THINK I am, but I'm not. I know what everyone else on the internet knows. Or thinks they know. I may know just a teensy bit more than the average fan because I used to post frequently at the Dirty Jobs Message Board before the proverbial shit hit the proverbial fan for the Dirty Jobs 150th Episode Party. My friend Theresa was fortunate enough to attend and I was so jealous I wanted to vomit thrilled for her I could hardly contain myself. Knowing that she was as huge a fan of Mike's as I was, and having met her and knowing she was such an awesome lady, I was honestly happy for her. But lots of hurt feelings happened and the board was never the same. At the time though, the really cool thing about being a member of the message board was that Mike used to post there all the time. And he'd answer questions, talk about his "sweetie by the bay" and trade banter with the folks who put him where he was and kept him dirty. The other cool thing was that some of the stars of Dirty Jobs also used to post there (Kristen the snake handler, Farmer Bob from Vegas to name a few). Ah those were the days.

Dirty picture courtesy of Discoverychannel.com

Nowadays, Mike posts frequently to Facebook. He even responded to my post on his wall (the one where people think I'm an expert). So it just stands to reason that since people THINK I know my Mike Rowe facts, I should probably try to learn more. I hate to let folks down.

Photo courtesy of my Facebook wall, bitches!

So here's what I'm hoping is going to happen. I'm going to post this blog. Then I'm going to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, Mike's FB wall, bathroom walls, telephone poles, cork boards at grocery stores and everywhere I can find on the net to get Mike's attention. And I'm going to beg him for an interview. It won't be a stale old interview on what is favorite Dirty Job was, or how he feels now that he and Ford have parted ways.

No this interview will be like speed dating. I'm going to try to ask as many off the wall questions as I possibly can as if I've never heard of him. There may be some QVC references, possibly some questions about his old haunts in Maryland, but it won't be a journalist questioning a celebrity. It'll be a fan girl woman questioning a hott guy. (the rule on the old DJMB was that when we referred to Mike as hot, we always put an extra 'T' on the end for good measure.).

How about it Mike? Can I interview you? Please? Could be via Skype, FB message, email, phone, carrier pigeon, smoke signal, Google+ Hangout (if I figure out how the hell that works). Or it could be face to face, in April, chaperoned of course, when I buy the first round. Please let me know. I'm sure the 7 lovely people who read my blog would be very happy for me if you granted me an interview. Hell, I'll even add an extra "T" to hott when I'm referring to you. What do you say?

And what do YOU, dear readers, want to know about Mike Rowe? Fire away with your questions and if (when) I get a chance to interview him, I'll ask him what inquiring minds want to know!

Post by Snarkfest.

People I'd kick out of the country if I could

I'm creating my own country. That country will now and forever be referred to as Snarkopolis. If I had the power to kick people out of my country, for any reason I wanted, here's my list. I don't know why I'm in an ass-kicking mood, but I am, and it's my blog. If you don't agree and want to keep any or all of these people, create your own country, start a blog and make your own list of people you'd keep. Here goes:

Kanye West: I can't even believe there's even ROOM in his house for Kim and the baby in that house due to the size of his overwhelmingly large ego. (and I don't care WHAT you say, I don't, for one moment, believe they really named their kid Northwest. I think it's some bullshit story they fed to the media for attention. Because they are attention whores).

Kim Kardashian: (actually any of the Kardashians) Again, ego being the first reason. The second, and even more important reason I'd kick her (them) out of my country is because not a single one of them have a single redeeming quality among them. They are media whores. They do no good for anyone but themselves, and they make me ill. Heck I'm not a big fan of Angelina Jolie but you have to give her props, she does take care of the children in third world countries and bring attention to their plight. She's using her powers for good instead of greed. So Kim, you're out. Buh-bye.

Justin Bieber: He's a punk. He spits on fans. I don't care what he does for charity, his actions overshadow any good he's done. So bye-bye Bieber, you're outta here too.

Carole Kane/Rosie Perez/Bernadette Peters: All of these actresses may be amazing, may do wonderful things for charity, and may one day cure cancer (who knows?) but their voices in my ears are like shattered glass under the nails that are scraping down a chalk board. So the three of them are officially out. See ya.

Pauly Shore: Never liked him. He's annoying and stupid and I want him out. I could never sit through an entire 5 minute span of any of his movies, so he's gotta go.

Tim McCarver: Sorry Tim, I loved you when you were a catcher with the Phillies, but that was a hundred years ago. Now you're a sports announcer and not just A sports announcer but one of THE most annoying sports announcers in the history of the game of baseball. You state the obvious as if we were all a room full of 2 year olds, and it's just offensive. So to quote the great Harry Kalas (now THAT was one high class sports commentator) "You're outta here!!!"

The whole Honey Boo-Boo family: I feel sorry for the film crew that has to follow this family around night and day documenting their every move. Who the hell decided that this was entertainment? I'm sorry but the show offers no positive contributions to society and they should all be taken off TV and kicked out of my country.

Seth Gold from Hardcore Pawn: He's such a bully! Seriously, your dad owns the shop, dude, stop being such a douchebag to him and to your sister. I'll admit, Ashley's no picnic but she's your sister. Have some respect for your family. Assbag. Get the hell out of here.

The Discovery Channel executive who decided to give the ax to Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe: Do I even have to explain myself here? I don't think so. Get out, you're fired. And deported. You're lucky I don't kick your sorry ass off the planet.

The A&E executives who decided to give the ax to The Glades without at least filming the series finale: Come on, guys, you film the wedding day, you film Jim getting shot and lying on the floor of the new home he bought as a surprise for him and Callie, and then you chop the show? Really? You're to even going to throw us a bone and film an ending? You probably kick puppies and torture baby kittens too, you worthless sacks of shit. Sayonara.

Alex Rodriguez: Sorry, toots, but me think you dost protest too mucheth. You've got really pretty eyes but no amount of your consistent whining and crying will ever convince me that you didn't dope up. So take yourself, your pretty eyes and your crybaby ass and get out. And take the rest of the Yankees with you. 

Bill O'Reilly/Nancy Grace: I've told you before I don't get into politics, but these two are just assholes. I don't hate them for political reasons, I hate them because they are smarmy know-it-alls and if there's one thing I won't tolerate in my country, it's a smarmy know-it-all. So out you go.

Alright, the list could go on forever but I'm going to be late for work (yes, we royals have to work too, ya know). Would you defend anyone on this list and beg me to let them stay? Who would you add to the list? Why? Come on, folks, share!

My not-so-secret crush on Mike Rowe

Anyone who knows me knows I have a huge crush on a certain former host of a show on Discovery Channel that may have had something to do with doing jobs that are dirty. I love the sound of his voice when he talks about Ford vehicles, Viva paper towels or Medi-Gap pharmacies. (ok that's an old one). I love that he never seems to take himself too seriously. I love that he's so self-deprecating. I'd enjoy sitting down (maybe on his lap) and having a beer with him. Maybe 6. And I'd love to have the opportunity to prove to my husband, once and for all, that Mike Rowe is not gay.

Dirty, hot man courtesy of his FB page.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. If he was gay, I'd be totally okay with that. Sure my heart would be broken over the fact that, should the possibility ever arise that I DID meet him in person and we had the chance to play hide the salami, he'd prefer my husband's salami over mine. But eventually, I'd get over it. Maybe. Probably. Whatever. My point is, my husband has been insistent, ever since we became acquainted with the delicious Mike Rowe, that he's gay. This is his argument:

Mike Rowe:
Sang opera in the days before his notorious gig on QVC. (that doesn't make him gay)
Close to 50 years old and still single. (that means NOTHING!)
Lives in San Francisco. (ok shut up)
You never see him with a woman. (his sweetie-by-the-bay likes her privacy, so sue her!)

That list is SO unfairly stereotypical. SO WHAT if he sang opera, lives in San Francisco and is still single. If we're going to go that route, would a gay man EVER allow himself to be covered in mud, coal dust, bat guano, garbage, slime or bird crap? I'm telling you, this man is hard, rugged, sexy and definitely hetero. He's messy, he wears baseball caps (I've never seen a gay man wear a baseball cap), he's NEVER mentioned RuPaul's Drag Race on ANY episode of Dirty Jobs OR Deadliest Catch. So please, darling husband, let me have my fantasy.

Just look at this guy:

Photo courtesy of Mike Rowe's FB Page

How sexy is that picture? And the best part? Those flies buzzing around his head? Apparently MANY of them ended up in his mouth. Not by HIS choice, but seriously, how manly is he? He discusses it in one of the many posts he makes on his Facebook page. I love that he's a down to earth kinda guy. I've been stalking him following his career for a long time now, and I've never heard a bad word spoken about him. He is most definitely on my list. Come on, you know the list. You have one too. And so does your spouse/significant other/life partner. and Mike is high up on my list.

So Mike, if you're in the area, and are looking for a nice game of hide the salami, my husband will let me out to play. Unless you'd prefer my husband's salami. Then we'd have to negotiate.

I could be the next Blogger Idol!

I'm not much on reality shows, especially competitions like Big Brother, So You Think You Can Dance, Thinking about Dancing with an Idol, Dancing with a Brother, or American Idol. Give me a good Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe or Deadliest Catch and I'm the happiest of campers. So why, then, am I actually participating in a competition like Blogger Idol? Well, I'll tell you. It's not televised, no one is judging me, no one is calling me Dawg, Ryan Seacrest is NOWHERE to be found, and it's free publicity for my blog. And you know my mantra, if it's free, it's for me. So go checkout the voting at Blogger Idol and who knows? Maybe I'll get a few more readers out of the deal. Maybe I'll get a prize. But I blog anyway, right? I may as well try to get a little something out of my blog besides carpal tunnel syndrome. The prizes are very cool ranging from a Samsung Galaxy Tab to Boogie Wipes.

Don't spill my secret but I'm actually hoping for first runner up. Come on, you know me, I'm addicted to chocolate and the prize for first runner up is a Ghirardelli Chocolate gift basket. You should be applauding me for not having an over-inflated ego. Do I think I'm an awesome enough blogger to win the Tablet? Nah. But I just might be mediocre enough to win the Chocolate. And that's good enough for me.

So, auditions are open now and will close on September 17th. The top 12 finalists will be chosen on September 20th. If I'm in the top 12 (remember, it's ALL about the chocolate and I DO share) I will be tasked with an assignment, and all assignments will be voted upon starting on September 26. Please stay tuned for more details, and don't forget to visit my Facebook page and my Twitter page.

When the voting begins, there's chocolate for everyone. Because that's how I roll. Now spread the word please.