I'm warning you right now, I am an emotional wreck. A veritable train-wreck of tears. Seriously, I'm done. I'm sure it's not withdrawal from the antidepressants because I stopped those in early February. No, my friends, I think this is pure Snarkfest emotion from the heart. Shut up, I have a heart!
We lost my Father in law a little over month ago. It was sudden and completely unexpected.
I went back to Jersey to visit with my mom the weekend after Dad's funeral because it'd been way too long and life is too precious not to spend time with those we love. You just never know when your last visit will truly be the last time you see someone. So I spent the weekend watching the Phillies lose and hugging my mom. That was last month. Yesterday she fell in her apartment building and broke her arm. My heart aches that I can't be with her but with graduation tomorrow there's no way I can drive to Jersey. Thank God for my brother.
As the school year draws to a close, we have end of year banquets, concerts, parties and ultimately, 17's graduation. Yeah, THAT'S not had me in tears. Nope, not me. I've been a emotionless rock. Stoic, solid and.......who the hell am I kidding? I've been crying since December. I'm crying now. I'll be crying until the cows come home.
Do they still say that? Is that still a saying or am I really showing my age?
Whatever, it doesn't matter. My point is, this is a rough time of year. You know how things change? How quickly we are thrown off course and we struggle to keep ourselves up right, on the right path after a monkey wrench is thrown into the mix? I've been feeling that way lately. Sad at how things don't stay exactly as we want them to. For example, 17 isn't my baby anymore. She's graduating high school tomorrow, and she will be leaving for WVU in the fall. 15 just got her permit to drive, so she's no longer my baby either. And friendships that you think will last, don't.
Life keeps moving. That's the lesson my kids are learning this month. Like Ferris said, life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. Enjoy the time you have with your friends and your family. As morbid or maudlin as this sounds, you never know when it'll be your last time with them. So hug your kids, your parents, your friends, even crazy old Aunt Sally. In not too long a time, they will be gone, whether it's off to college, off to a new job or worst case scenario, gone from your life for good.
Yeah, I'm just a big old all of sunshine today, right? Well, I did warn you with the title of this post. But don't worry about me. I promise I will be out of this funk and back to bitching about stupid people soon enough. For now, I'm going to go home and hug my kids and my dogs and get my house cleaned up for the graduation tomorrow. Send Kleenex. And wine.
You should definitely stock up on wine and, better yet, find someone to share it with you who will help you laugh. It helps, trust me. I haven't suffered the loss that you did (my sympathies) but I do have a son graduating high school this year too so I totally understand that emotional roller coaster. Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteTeri...my heart breaks for you over the loss of your Dad. I went through a similar situation with my Dad. He went to the hospital for some tests, 2 days later he was gone. You'll be in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you and your family.
Now I'm in tears again, and I only have one graduating from middle school!!! You've got my sympathetic tears coming from across town!!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry, Teri. May is one busy ass month and an emotional train wreck is totally understandable. Hang in there. Oh and a tip -- I am sooo over the Kleenex brand. I've recently switched to Puffs (strong and no lotion kind) and I like the Puffs MUCH better. Hey, you may as well have the best tissue for those tears! <3
ReplyDeleteAw, big hugs to you. Wow, puts a lot in perspective, though, doesn't it? Give in to your emotions -- they're valid and real. All of them! xo
ReplyDeleteHoney, I need to give you a hug!
ReplyDeleteOur household was an emotional train wreck recently as well. My partner's parents were in a car accident. They both ended up in the ICU, but with anticipation that they would recover. Then, all of a sudden, his father's blood pressure dropped drastically and he just passed away. Just like that. *sigh* You really never know.
Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but your post certainly rung true with me.
Oh Cary I'm so sorry for you and your partner's loss. You guys are in my throughts.
DeleteI'm with you there, my 15 yo is taking some of her GCSE's a year early, she'll take the rest this time next year, (here in the UK you can legally leave school at 16, but most wait until they've done their GCSE's. My 15 is 16 in Oct) then they either leave school, get a job etc OR they stay on at school do their A levels, then go to university to get their degree, which is what both my girls will be doing (please God) anyway it means we're at the end of an era. My oldest isn't a little girl anymore, she's on the path to adulthood and I can't stop it, she's making decisions about her future, of course she talks to me about it, but I can't make those decisions for her dammit and that sucks. Even my youngest doesn't need me as much. My babies are growing up so fast :/
ReplyDeleteEverything you said, so very true! You never know if even you'll still be here tomorrow so absolutely let everyone you love know it! So sorry to hear about your FIL. Thoughts and prayers with you and your family. Good luck with graduation and Congratulations to 17! It's amazing how very fast it goes! ((HUGS)) to you!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you definitely have reason to be a trainwreak. That is a lot of stuff to deal with and it's understandable that it's a strain. I hope that things calm down a bit soon and that you remember to take good care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteOh, also, some antidepressants do take that long before they start to really create havoc as part of withdrawal -- and some people just respond that way regardless (even if your medication isn't one that USUALLY causes that, you could be an outlier). Grief is a strange animal as well and can happen all at once, go on for years, or not happen for years. You are grieving a lot of things right now, the death of your father-in-law just being the most prominent. Sudden losses, too, are very jarring. They make us all too aware that there are no guarantees of stability, and we are creatures who NEED to be able to take some things for granted so we don't become overwhelmed.
So, yes, you have earned your train wreck, but it's important that you take good care of the survivor (yourself).
It sounds like you definitely have reason to be a trainwreak. That is a lot of stuff to deal with and it's understandable that it's a strain. I hope that things calm down a bit soon and that you remember to take good care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteOh, also, some antidepressants do take that long before they start to really create havoc as part of withdrawal -- and some people just respond that way regardless (even if your medication isn't one that USUALLY causes that, you could be an outlier). Grief is a strange animal as well and can happen all at once, go on for years, or not happen for years. You are grieving a lot of things right now, the death of your father-in-law just being the most prominent. Sudden losses, too, are very jarring. They make us all too aware that there are no guarantees of stability, and we are creatures who NEED to be able to take some things for granted so we don't become overwhelmed.
So, yes, you have earned your train wreck, but it's important that you take good care of the survivor (yourself).
Aw, hugs to you Teri. That's an awful lot to deal with in a short space of time. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope your mom is on the mend. And thank you for the reminder that I should call my mom. She's in Ohio and it's been a couple of weeks since we talked. xo
ReplyDeleteThere's an account on twitter you should follow... When you're full snot and tears and feeling terrible have a look at a couple of their posts and I guarantee you, you'll smile.
ReplyDeleteThe account is @cuteanimalsPIX.
And if that doesn't work, watch this video and try not to smile:
https://youtu.be/Hw0OTgmJtV0
OMG I am so sorry, I had no idea.
ReplyDeleteGeez, I have been going on and on about MY emotional mess and YOU have been having real crap going on.
I am so sorry.
Here is a tissue.
And a shoulder to cry on.
I am here.
Love ya bunches...hang in there T. Yes, it is so true we live day to day and life goes bye so fast. The moment that comes that we need to just breath and take it in slowly. Enjoy this moment. Grab it and squeeze all the joy that you can from this wonderful rights of passage with your daughter. Prayers are going out to your Mom for a speedy recovery and big hugs to help with your pain of not being there. She is in good hands with your brother. Hugs !!! now you got me crying.
ReplyDeleteLuv ya, Nazirunningcrackho....
Oh man, big hugs to you! My sincere condolences. I lost my grandpa around this time of the year last year and he's been terribly missed.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of good energy and smiles. And wine if i had some.
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough emotional time. Never easy losing a loved one. I know it hurts and having your mom get injured and your kid ready to leave for college . Hope mom is ok. Go have some wine and a good dessert. Stay strong.
ReplyDelete