Then I got stuck in a dress at Goodwill...

Totally not kidding.

Many of you know that I'm going to a blogging conference next Friday. It's BlogU 14 and unless you live under a rock or it's your first time here, you know what I'm talking about. I've been tweeting and Facebooking about it for months now, in an attempt to win back my registration costs. Aside from the chance to win some cash, I'm truly excited about going to this conference.

It'll be my first blogging conference and there are so many hilarious ladies (and one awesome dude) that will be there, it's like a veritable buffet of laughs and coolness.

But there is one dark side to this whole thing. On Wednesday, I almost died. Yes, it's true. Because of my love for this conference, I nearly lost my life. Let me explain.

I had asked my friend Tonya to keep an eye out for 'retro-gowns' (think: big, poofy, 80's), so when she texted me Wednesday afternoon telling me that she had found the perfect dress for me at Goodwill, I was all over it! She had them put the dress aside for me AND talked them down to just $20! I prayed this dress would fit, because I hate shopping for 'retro-gowns' (ok I've NEVER shopped for 'retro-gowns') and it would just be so much easier to have someone else find it for me.

After work, I headed to Goodwill, grabbed the dress and went into the dressing room. I took the montrosity off the hangar and lifted it over my head. I then struggled with the zipper until it was almost all the way up. SUCCESS! It (almost) FIT!! I was so glad that it fit that I took this pic while in the Goodwill dressing room:

Me, in all my pink poofy retro glory

It's floor-length, and so hot that I'm sure I will sweat my ass off, but it (almost) fit and I didn't have to go out looking for another dress, so I made the decision to buy it. Then I tried to get out of it. And that's when it happened. I came close to dying right then and there in the Goodwill dressing room. Seriously. I started sweating, my heart began to race and I had 9-1-1 on standby. When I was unzipping the dress, the gigantic, almost blanket-sized tag got caught in the zipper. See for yourself:

Giant tag caught in zipper, while the dress is on. I nearly died!

As you can see, I was in a bit of a pickle. I was wearing the dress, the zipper was on the opposite side of my body from my eyes and my hands so I was working blindly and pretty much having a heart attack. I said to myself: "Self, the first thing you're gonna do if you ever get out of this dress is CUT OFF THAT FUCKING TAG!" I convinced myself that it would be better to die alone in the dressing room than to die of embarrassment by having to ask someone at Goodwill to come into my dressing room and help get me out of this dress-of-death. So I went to my happy place (where there's wine and chocolate), slowed my breathing and concentrated on not dying. I took my arms out of the top of the dress and was able to turn the dress around just enough that I could see the tag in the zipper. I swear I could hear the tag laughing at me but that may have just been my imagination.

Eventually, I freed the tag from the zipper and cursed at it strongly before extricating myself from the dress without the use of the jaws of life. It was touch and go for awhile, and ultimately, I got myself a pretty cool dress for a really cheap price. 

I can't wait to wear it at BlogU 14 next weekend, and yes, as soon as I got it home, I made that tag my bitch.