She Corked My C**k

Did you ever have one of those evenings where absolutely everything that comes out of someone's mouth is absolutely the perfect opportunity to release your inner snark? Tonight was one of those nights. I had dinner with some old friends and some new friends. After dinner, we headed back to my neighbor's house to play cards. Some of us drank whiskey sours, some of us drank wine, and we corked a cock.

Let me explain. My neighbor Lynn went into town to do some shopping before we met for dinner. She found this lovely metal chicken which, she explained, was to hold corks from wine bottles. My neighbor drinks exactly one whiskey sour per month. Girlfriend doesn't even drink wine, yet she felt compelled to buy this chicken so that in case she ever DOES open a bottle of wine, she'll have someplace to store all the corks. But she's my friend and I love her so I'm totally behind whatever decisions she makes, no matter how senseless they are.

But as luck would have it, one of the ladies at the table did drink some white wine and therefore there was a cork, and guess where that cork went! If you guessed 'In the Cock' you'd be right!! That's right, Lynn's cock was corked. And it was beautiful. What was even more perfect was when Lynn said 'she put her cork in my chicken' which begged the response 'she corked your cock??'

I had no idea just how close to perfect that statement was. You see, upon closer examination of said chicken, you can see something deliciously ironic. Here is the chicken from the front. Looks like a chicken, right?

Cork holdin' cock. See, there's already one in his tummy.

However, when I first saw the funky fowl, I was looking at him from behind. This was what I saw when I first saw the cork holder:

Look closely at the chicken's head. No really, look closer.

Are you seeing it? When I pointed it out to the other ladies, I was so pleased that they didn't look at me like I had 352 heads (that's the look I get when I tell my kids that they have to clean up their mess). I was thrilled that they saw exactly what I was seeing. A cock that holds corks. You simply stick the cork in the cock's butt.

As if this wasn't enough to make us all giggle like middle school kids, if you look at the counter up there in the first picture, you'll see a duck wearing a santa hat. This duck belongs to a set of three. Sadly, one of the duck's heads is broken off. When I asked Lynn how it happened, she said she accidentally grabbed him by the neck and it broke. My immediate response was that she 'choked her chicken'. I'm guessing it's a good thing our middle school aged children weren't there, or they'd have rolled their eyes so hard a chicken would probably die somewhere.

Good times and lots of Snark on a Saturday night. Jealous?