Those crazy Smith kids!!

Seriously, if I didn't know any better, I'd think this was a fake interview, satire, a spoof. But sadly, it's not. These kids really ARE from another planet way far away from West Philly. 

Thanks to RachRiot for hooking me up with this New York Times article, I now have the pleasure of tearing it apart for your reading enjoyment. Because that's what I do.

Willow, 14 and Jaden, 16, famous kids of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith were interviewed by Su Wu. (I swear I am not making that up) and what they have to say will have you scratching your head. If you're not left scratching YOUR head, can you come and scratch mine?

Su Wu: I'm curious about your experience of time. Do you feel like life is moving really quickly?

WILLOW: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that's how I know it doesn't exist.

ME: What??? Slow down, Holmes, what the hell is up with that? Did Hermione give you that time shifting necklace or something?

JADEN: It’s proven that how time moves for you depends on where you are in the universe. It’s relative to beings and other places. But on the level of being here on earth, if you are aware in a moment, one second can last a year. And if you are unaware, your whole childhood, your whole life can pass by in six seconds. But it’s also such a thing that you can get lost in.

WILLOW: Because living.  (whoa, deep dude)

JADEN: Right, because you have to live. There’s a theoretical physicist inside all of our minds, and you can talk and talk, but it’s living.

ME: Really? There's a theoretical physicist inside all of our minds??? Why am I just now hearing about this? I'm not getting paid enough if this is true!!

 SW: What are some of the themes that recur in your work?

W: the feeling of being like, this is a fragment of a holographic reality that a higher consciousness made. 

ME: Say what, now? Holographic reality? What is this, Star Trek? She's asking if boys, or dancing or drugs or ponies are a recurring theme, Einstein. 

SW: How have you gotten better?

J: When you’re thinking about something happy, you’re thinking about something sad. When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple. It’s a tool for understanding mathematics and things with two separate realities. But for creativity: That comes from a place of oneness. That’s not a duality consciousness.

ME: What's the opposite of an apple? And if thinking about an apple AND the OPPOSITE of an apple is a tool for mathematics, why isn't it being taught in school? We could make a fortune with the common core shit with this tool! (and by 'tool' I'm talking about Jaden Smith)

SW: do your collaborative relationships inspire you in different directions? 

W: Me and Jaden just figured out that our voices sound like chocolate together. As good as chocolate tastes, it sounds that good.

ME:  Ah, chocolate. Now we're talking. Maybe not about your music but I am hungry for a Hershey bar. 

SW:  So is the hardest education the unlearning of things?

 J: Here’s the deal: School is not authentic because it ends. It’s not true, it’s not real. Our learning will never end. The school that we go to every single morning, we will continue to go to.

W: Forever, ‘til the day that we’re in our bed.

J: Kids who go to normal school are so teenagery, so angsty.  

W: They never want to do anything, they’re so tired.

If there's one thing I can't stand it's a teenagery kid! So much with the angsty with those teenagery teens in normal school!!

I can't read anymore because I need to go lie down from the deepness of this whole article. Uncle Phil is now rolling over in his grave.