Late evening Tuesday Tirade......

See this dog right here? This is a rottweiler/basset hound mix. Giant head, low-rider body. Funniest looking dog I've ever seen, and I have a friend who has 2. They're like bookends. Gargoyles. Roller skates. Adorable.

Unless you're trying to drive out of the driveway and they hold you hostage. Then, not so adorable. Then, you want to scream. Case in point: I picked up my friend's daughter Sally to take her to volleyball practice with my daughter, 14. Enter Skippy and Scrappy, the twins. I pulled into the driveway and Skippy came running out to greet me. As Sally got into the car, Scrappy joined Skippy and they proceeded to go ballistic on my car. Unfortunately, my car sits up a little too high for me to see them going ballistic on my car. So picture this in your mind. I'm in my Chevy Traverse trying to back up to turn around to get out of the driveway. I can HEAR them barking, but I can't see them. I ask Sally if they'll move if I drive, she says "Probably.....well, Scrappy will, I don't know about Skippy." That's helpful.

I pulled forward about 3 inches and I could hear them barking and I could see the shadow of tails wagging in my headlights, but damned if I could see them. I had no clue where they were. Were they in front of me? Were they next to me? Was I going to run over their little paws? Did I turn off the iron? Who shot JR?

Sally told me to just drive, they'll 'probably get out of the way'. Probably isn't going to explain to your daddy why he's down one dog and why I have puppy guts in my tire treads. It wasn't bad enough that they are too low for me to see from my car, what was worse was that I could hear them but couldn't tell where they were. And I had to get the girls to practice. So I started sweating and driving really slowly, expecting at any moment to hear a whine/yelp/crunch. I'd see one jumping ahead of the car but couldn't see the other one. Then they'd both disappear and for crying out loud I've only gone 6 feet and these people have a 300 foot driveway. WHY?? My only saving grace was the invisible fence. That's RIGHT! There's an invisible fence! I asked Sally where the fence line was, and her response was 'about halfway down the driveway'. What? Are you kidding me? I had made it 6 feet. I still had 144 feet to go before these dogs would hit the barrier and turn around.

Slowly I inched my way forward, dodging dogs, expecting to flatten one at any second. How would I explain this to the volleyball coach? Sorry coach, the girls would've been on time but I was being held hostage by two barking ottomans?

Not a real dog

Finally after nearly having a heart attack with the dogs jumping in front of my car, then running around back, then along the sides, all completely invisible to me, I was finally able to break free and leave the property. The girls were only a few minutes late to practice. However, it is now time to go back and pick them up and drop Sally back off at her house. I may park at the front and walk her up the driveway. Or I may take my chances and play chicken with the dogs. We'll see if Skippy will really move. Probably. Hopefully....