Anyway, in my quest for the weird, I just did a little of The Googling and found some stuff that I thought I'd pass on to you. You know, in case you have some shopping to do and don't know what to get for that always hard to shop for cousin, uncle or pervert next door. You're welcome.
First up, for that hard to buy for child in your life, who wouldn't love a Lederhosen Unicorn?? Who knew unicorns wore pink lederhosen, stood upright, had elbows and wore purple sneakers? Ahhh Christmas magic.
Here's one that ANY depraved moron would be happy to receive. THE ORIGINAL Liquid Ass. Yes, The Original Liquid Ass Fart Spray. Apparently, there must be dozens of imitations out there on the market, so pass those by and go for the original. Because nothing says Merry Christmas like buying someone THE ORIGINAL Liquid Ass Fart Spray.
How about all those cat videos out there on the YouTube? There must be tens of skadrillions of cat videos, but were ANY of them made with the Cat Video Clapper Board?? I'm gonna take a wild guess and say no. So the next time Fluffy does something video worthy, break out the Cat Video Clapper Board and make a real life movie of her. And if she screws it up the first time, yell "CUT" and have her do it again. She's a cat, I'm sure she'll LOVE to work with you and follow your direction.
Now, if you ever find yourself in an emergency situation, here are two of the BEST emergency gifts on the web. How many times have I found myself in an emergency without a Santa Kit? Well not anymore! Not since I've found the Emergency Santa Kit.
Or THIS masterpiece. I can't TELL you how many times I've said to myself: "Oh God, this is terrible!!! What an emergency!! If I ONLY had an Emergency Horse Sound Machine, then EVERYTHING would be okay." Well look no further. Horse sounds when YOU need them. For real.
Last but not least, here's a real gift worth giving. What woman DOESN'T just want to pee alone? This is the perfect gift for the holidays. I Just Want to Pee Alone is a book that has small, short, bite-sized essays that you can read while peeing alone. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll pee (alone) and you won't be sorry. Buy it for you. Buy it for a friend. It really is a great book, and I'm not just saying that because I've got an essay in there.
|You can buy this book here|
So there you have it. Your one stop internet shopping guide for the holidays. Please report back to me once Uncle Al opens his Original Liquid Ass and tell me how happy he was to receive it!! I'll be here. Peeing Alone.