Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Make with the Merriment Already....

Holy cheese did I eat like a pig over Thanksgiving! First up, a huge thank you shout out to Carolyn Savage from over at Mama on the Fly for the DELICIOUS sage sausage stuffing recipe. It was a tremendous success, and everyone had second (and thirds). Next, another big thank you shout out to Leslie Marinelli at The Bearded Iris for her yummy gravy recipe. Thanks to Leslie, my gravy FINALLY had a flavor and it was GOOD!!! My gravy NEVER has flavor! So thank you to both ladies, because with your help, my husband actually told me that this year, it was "the best Thanksgiving meal" he ever had. For those of you who know my husband, you know that that's the ULTIMATE compliment. His idea of a paying someone a compliment for a great meal is usually "It was ok" so for him to say "best" is downright groundbreaking.

So who is doing Cyber Monday shopping? Are you among those same crackheads that were shopping at 8 o'effing clock on Thanksgiving night when my turkey was still making its way down my throat? Psychos. I'll admit, I've done some of my shopping, some in person at the store and some online. But I'm not one of those black Friday shoppers. There is NOTHING, in my professional opinion as an office administrator, that is important enough to go out either right after my dishwasher starts running on Thanksgiving night or getting up in the middle of the night to buy. Unless George Clooney himself is waiting for me at the mall, I'm staying home.

I have been surfing around the web and have found quite a few interesting things that I might want to get for some people for Christmas. It won't be today but I do have 28 more shopping days to go. My friend Spammy found this one for me. What kitty wouldn't love a kitty straight jacket?
Image courtesy: MeWanty.com

And I want to see how torn up the owner of THIS kitty gets when they put this cat muzzle on  Mr. Fluffynuts.
Image courtesy. Amazon.com
Bandaids for owner who put this cat in a muzzle courtesy: Johnson & Johnson
Now if you REALLY hate your dog and want the rest of humanity to hate him too, you can opt for the Dog Duck Muzzle.
Seriously? Just kill them now. Don't prolong the agony.
Moving away from bondage for your pet for just a moment (and not a moment too soon, that shit's creepy) we move on to Emergency Mustaches. That's right, I said Emergency Mustaches. You NEVER know when you're going to be minding your own business cleaning our your gutters or matching socks and you suddenly realize "Oh my God I absolutely NEED a mustache!! It's like, an Emergency!!" Well wonder no more. Here it is.
Wow!
And along that same line of thinking, now your car won't feel left out when you're screaming down I-95 sporting your Emergency Mustache. Now you can get a mustache for you car. No lie
I can't make this stuff up, I'm just not that clever.
.
Now, remember those pets we were mocking just a few sentences ago. Well now you can combine your need for Emergency Mustaches with your hatred for your pet and get her the Dog Mustache:
How happy is she?? Big nipples AND a handlebar mustache!


And for that cousin who is just so hard to shop for, why not 1500 Ladybugs? This will keep him occupied for hours and hours (and pretty much creep everyone else out). 
Now the big challenge? Finding Emergency Mustaches for each ladybug!
However you do your shopping, be it online or in person beating another human to death over a tablet, tis the season for glad tidings, good cheer and Emergency Mustaches. So go shop, and help the economy. And at the same time, keep those dog duck muzzle-makers in business.


24 comments:

  1. Spammy here..... I think I need to get one of those cat muzzles for my new fluffy monster, to keep her from eating all of HellKitten's food every day..... And I'm so glad you liked the kitty straightjacket!

    Now I'm off to the store to pick up some gift cards so I can do some Christmas shopping - Amazon gift cards bought at the grocery store (where I'm currently getting 20¢ off on a $50 gift card purchase) WITH my AMAZON Visa card (where I earn 1% credit for each purchase) to use to make purchases on Amazon. The balance after the gift cards I use will yield me 3% credit on my Amazon card which, combined with the 1% from using the card to buy the gift cards, will offset the sales tax that Amazon now charges for purchases..... Did that make sense to anyone besides me...? And how much do they want for that kitty muzzle...?

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    1. Spammy, $11.99 for the cat muzzle! What a bargain!

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  2. The straight jacket and muzzles are bizarre!

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  3. Replies
    1. Would that work on a small car, like a Fiat?

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  4. Oh. My. God. I can't get over this stuff. And people really BUY IT! See, that's what my currently unemployed husband needs to be doing---invent something ridiculously stupid and convince everyone at XMAS that they have just GOT to have an inflatable adult potty seat for those long road trips to the relative's house! Thanks for making me laugh tonight, Teri--well, except for the lady bugs Gross. I might have nightmares over that one.

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    Replies
    1. I was a little grossed out by all the ladybugs too!

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  5. NaziwhackjobrunningcrackhoNovember 26, 2012 at 6:01 PM

    HILARIOUS!!!

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  6. Seriously, wtf is with America's fixation on mustaches lately?? We saw mustache cake pans, ice-cube trays, flasks (which was pretty cute actually) and pastel colored fuzzy ones this weekend. My 11yo has earrings that look like pieces of bacon WITH MUSTACHES on them. I get it. They're funny. But my god, get over it, people. I say it's time to make duck-muzzles the new thing. What d'ya say?

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    1. Bacon with mustaches??? That's adorable and creepy at the same time. And I'm with you, duck muzzles rule!!

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  7. SOMEONE GET ME A MUSTACHE, QUICK!! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!!!

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  8. Holy Crap! I just laughed to tears at the dog and cat pictures. The Quack muzzles are not right at all! And what a great idea unsing the best blogs to find recipes. So doing that for Christmas!

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    1. So you're not going to run right out and buy the duck muzzle? Your pet will never forgive you!! :)

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  9. They sell ladybugs here in San Francisco and I couldn't believe it! We had a ladybug infestation for years when we were vacuuming them up by the truckload. Now, the muzzles are phenomenal. Do they make them for husbands?

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    1. They don't, I checked. Although I didn't check the S&M sites, so maybe I can find a leather studded hubby muzzle.

      I'm trying to figure out WHY they would sell ladybugs in bulk. Do they devour weeds or scare off burglars??

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  10. I WANT THE DUCKBILL FOR MY DOGS! and the carry case for my spawn.....

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  11. We went to a birthday party for a five year old that had those ladybugs. When they released them I thought my daughter was going to have a panic attack. I guess there is a good reason for selling 1500 ladybugs, but it seemed mostly creepy to me.

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  12. I wonder, centuries from now when this culture is excavated, the discovery of the Emergency Mustache. What will the theory of relevance be?

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  13. I love surfing for stupid gifts. You've found some great ones..
    Thanks for sharing them on the Hump Day Hook Up!

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  14. Awesome! Not sure if I like the 1500 Ladybugs (WTF?) or the cat straight jacket the best? Possible combo gift for that someone special I obviously hate.

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  15. OMGee!!! I must have a mustache for my car....like right this instant!!! Mariah will NEVER EVER want to drive it again, and I will finally have my car back for good!!! 😆😆

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